People often wonder how Raisin Bread and I met. (Raisin Bread and I formed a committee of two and decided that we could both live with this moniker.) The conversation usually goes something like this:
Inquisitor: How did you met?
I: Oh, really??? Which site?
I: Did you initiate it?
Me: No, he did.
I: So what happened?
Me: Well, we finally met after messaging online for a while and then talking on the phone, and then we went on a couple of more dates.
At this point, I don't know what else to say because really that was it. Well, that wasn't IT. There was so much more. There was laughter, kisses in the night, chasing each other down hotel hallways, conversations, greeting cards, and love limericks. I usually describe as it as "easy." I mean all relationships are hard and require effort from both parties. By "easy," I mean that I knew. I knew that I could love him. I knew that I could tell him how I felt and what I wanted and knew that he would still call me the next day, instead of falling off the face of the earth like some men in the past. I knew that he thought about me a million times a day. I also knew that I was lucky. Lucky, not confused, worried, scared, or upset. And happy. I was very, very happy.
Most importantly, though, I knew I was myself and he was okay with who I was. But not just okay, he also wanted to be my best friend and wake up next to me in the morning and would pout when I didn't cuddle the entire night.
What was different? I think it had a lot to do with me and a little to do with him. I finally felt free enough to say what my needs were from a man and from a relationship. I finally knew that keeping my mouth shut was worse than being afraid of how he might react to what I might say. It took about 9 months of therapy for me to fix this part of me, and I was lucky to have met Raisin Bread soon afterward. Otherwise, I don't think it would have worked anyway.
In fact, one month after we started dating, we became a couple because he claims that I said, "I'm not going to Mexico unless you're my boyfriend." How is that for speaking my mind? I didn't actually say that, but that is what he heard and four hours later, he called me back and said, "Okay, we can still go to Mexico."
And that was it.